What now?

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What now? No...seriously. What now? Because I don't know anymore.

In my last post I said I was going to move to Portland, OR. I was going to have a fresh start, go to a place that I've wanted to go to for a while, and just be me. But after talking with some friends that live out there they convinced me to hold off on that as it was not only going to be a major, major move, but that since I didn't have a job I should wait til I have one, especially since there are some issues with job hunting and affordable living out that way.


Since that last post the following has occurred:

• I didn't pass my MFA thesis, so...no MFA
• My appeal of the committee's decision was upheld
• Everyone I had hung out with has moved on to bigger and better things
• I'm constantly reminded of what I've lost and of bad memories
• Depression and anxiety have spiraled madly
• Not having a job that really challenges me is starting to get to me
• Not having groups around here and decent mental health care are dragging me down
• Not having a place to live at the end of August is about to shoot me in the foot.

So I don't have any place to go to. My parents don't talk to me. I don't have any family left to turn too that I'm aware of. I'm dead broke and I'm just....I'm just completely lost.

So what am I going to do? 

I've tried to sell what I have left, but I've gotten nowhere. I sold a lot of what I had before I moved up here and what I have left is basically the essentials. I still have my car for now, but I'm not sure I want to give it up just yet. 

I can't stay in Vermont for all of the reasons listed above. Moving to Portland, OR seems out of reach at the moment. So what then? 

After talking with friends I've decided to stay in the New England area for now and move to a bigger city. I can potentially move with my PT job to one of their other locations and I've settled mostly on moving to the Boston area, although I'm keeping other spots like Maine in reserve. The problem is still affordability though. Boston is bloody expensive, especially with my cats.

So I turn to you. My friends. The internet. To ask for help.

Here's what i figure:

• $1800 for first and last months rent
• $300 pet deposit
• $400-600 for moving
• $400 for other incidentals 

So basically I'm looking at just over $3500ish to move and get a fresh start somewhere other than VT.
Any and all help would be greatly appreciated. 

The Next Stage of the Journey

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I've always liked roads. They represent the unknown space, the travel, the possibility, the what comes next. And I know a lot of people use the road with a tree, or a sun on the horizon, something that signifies a particular point that you're travelling too, but I prefer the road that you can't see what's ahead. Where maybe the path turns off and takes you on a detour past people you never thought you'd meet or interact with. Or maybe it just keeps going straight, but you won't' know til you get there. And that's the path that I'm travelling. It's time for my next journey.

Three years ago I moved to Vermont to attend the Center for Cartoon Studies (CCS) and I'm done. I turned in my thesis and I'm just waiting to hear if I passed. During that time period I've made friends, lost friends, came close to ending my life, came out as trans and queer and I've started transitioning and I'm feeling better about myself than when I came. I've learned to improve my craft and I'm ready to throw stuff at the world and see what sticks. I no longer have a FT job here in VT (long story) and my lease is up at the end of July (amicable parting) and so now is a good time to try something new, a journey to the west coast. More specifically to Portland, Oregon. I'm not really sure why, but that's what my gut has been telling me for 4 years now. It was my backup plan if I didn't get into CCS and now it's become my plan.

What do I have planned out? Well....other than moving by the end of July that's where I need some help actually.

1. I need a place to live for me and my two cats (the cats are non-negotiable as they are my care takers) I'm open to whatever, even if it's just a loft space or a borrowed room, etc.
2. A job. I'm open to library world work, art world work, anything that let's me use my skill set and try new things. I work hard, learn fast, and kick butt in the process (where needed of course.)
3. Money. This is the major one. I worked out what it would cost to move and it isn't cheap. It will be about $2,000 just to move stuff. Another $2,000 for first and last month's rent on a place (unless some kinda deal can be worked out.) And another $2,000 for various other expenses.
1. I had money saved up (not a lot but some) but it went out the window when I left my FT job a couple months back and I've also been paying off some debt accumulated over the last three years.
2. I plan on leaving a lot of stuff behind when I move, but even though I'm cutting down my book collection I'll still have a fair number of graphic novels and autographed books coming with me. Other furniture though I'll probably be leaving behind and picking up cheap stuff at the other end when I have money.

So all together about $6,000 is what I'm trying to scrounge together as quickly as possible. So if you have thoughts, ideas, can help, etc. let me know in the comments, twitter, etc.